Humor

Imran Khan Decides to Replace Baluchistan Chief Minister

By PimMaz

According to confirmed sources, Prime Minister Imran Khan has decided to replace the Baluchistan Chief Minister Jam Kamal Khan with the Pakistan Tehreek-e-Insaf provincial president Sardar Yar Mohammad Rind. 

Sources said Sardar Rind, while sleeping during a session of the Baluchistan Assembly, dreamed that Khan reached out to him and said he had decided to make him the new chief minister of the province to teach Akhtar Mengal a lesson for recently withdrawing from the coalition government.

“What does he [Mengal] think of himself? Does he think he is the only Sardar in Baluchistan?” Khan had reportedly told Rind, “God has blessed Baluchistan with unlimited mineral resources, and we have blessed it with too many loyal Sardars.” 

Khan has assured Rind that, unlike the former chief ministers Dr. Malik and Sanaullah Zehri, he would not require Rind to travel to Murree to be offered the position. 

Sardar Rind takes a nap during a session of the Baluchistan Assembly as Chief Minister Jam Kamal addresses the house.

“Don’t worry, I will report in Pindi that you could not come due to COVID-19,” the prime minister said. 

Rind thanked Khan for the opportunity. 

“Life under Musharraf was tough,” he admitted, “you couldn’t even take a nap during the assembly sessions.”

He also remembered the Pakistan People’s Party rule when he was the lone member of the opposition in the Baluchistan Assembly. 

“They all called me the ladala of the assembly, but I couldn’t still sleep during an assembly session,” he whined.

Baluchistan Chief Minister Kamal was the first senior official to confirm the news via Twitter. 

However, Liaquat Shahwani, the official spokesperson for the Baluchistan Government, made the news more prominent by photoshopping a collage of Kamal and Rind, and inserting his own photo before retweeting it.

Kamal and Shahwani kept retweeting each other for fifteen minutes before Kamal addressed an emergency press conference. 

“I wish to fully extend my support to Sardar sahib during this transition,” Kamal said, “I have decided to create a new WhatsApp group to complete this transition,” he announced. 

However, Kamal said he had made it clear to the Prime Minister that he would not share admin powers with Rind. 

“Sardar [Rind] can serve as the Chief Minister for as long as he can. However, he can’t be an admin to the WhatsApp group,” he warned. When a reporter asked why, Kamal replied: “This [being the admin] is a very personal and emotional thing to me. I would appreciate it if you do not bring it up again.”

The outgoing chief minister concluded, “Alhamdulillah, Allah has given me everything. I never show off in public, but I must tell you that this is going to be my 25th WhatsApp group as the admin!”

PimMaz, inspired by the Onion, is a fictional and satirical column and should not be taken as real news

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